READ PLEASE! This is Chapter one to my book Inside Out.?

It's really good! Most people who share their plots and ideas here have pretty lame ones about the social lives of teenagers, but this is different, and I like it! Like the first answerer said, try to get inside the character more. No one enjoys a surface character. Most people like to have deep insight on the character, and get to know them. Also, try to keep the language simple. If you use too much fancy language, the reader tends to get bored with the story and really doesn't bother unlock the meanings of all the cryptic words. So use fancy words to a limit, not that you are not already doing too much of it. Keep up the good work!